On the origin of gum trees

The Blue Mountains are pretty spectacular, though many of the best views were out of sight at the weekend due to mist. However, we’d seen a few of the best views before when we were here at the end of 2000 and the mist gave the mountains a strangely dreamlike quality.

We travelled up there and went on the canyon walk with an “eco tour” company. They’re quite big on these tours that concentrate on the environment in the mountains. Our guide was very knowledgeable on the flora and fauna of the mountains and we learnt a lot of good stuff.

For example, the plants in many areas have adapted to survive bushfires, and indeed many require fires to survive, since the Aboriginals would regularly burn the forests to drive out animals for hunting and encourage fresh growth. Many of the trees need fire to open their seed pods and disperse the seeds – dropping their seeds after a fire means the seeds stand a good chance of finding purchase in the burnt (fertile) soil and the seeds will have a chance to get a good start before the next fire. The eucalyptus trees (whose emissions give the mountains their blue hue) shed their bark and this falls to the floor and acts as a handy kindling for the next fire. A few months after the inevitable fires (they don’t need the Aboriginals to light the fires with the dry heat they get here) the forests are green and thriving. A strange ecosystem.

It bothered me a bit that the guide didn’t seem to have quite grasped the concept of evolution by natural selection. He kept saying that the animals and plants had to decide whether to die or adapt, and they’d chosen to adapt. If he meant this as a convenient shorthand for the process of natural selection then I suppose that’s fair enough. I gave him the benefit of the doubt at first, but as the day went on I got the impression that he didn’t mean it that way and he genuinely thought the plants and animals were purposefully adapting so as not to die out. I find this a bit worrying and it just continues to make the theory misunderstood and ill appreciated. Even if the guide was using this “choice” as shorthand it’s not helpful since so many people misunderstand the theory. Evolution by natural selection is the best (only!) theory we have to explain the state of life on Earth by non-miraculous means, and it’s a shame that someone who knows a lot about the environment doesn’t appreciate the simplicity and beauty of the theory.

Preaching over.

B'less me

In Anne's blog entry about our trip to The Blue Mountains she criticised me for bringing a pen away with me so that I could do the crossword in The Herald. It wasn't as though I was planning to do the crossword whilst on the bushwalk - we spent hours and hours on coaches at the weekend and I wanted something to help pass the time. Yes, OK, I did end up with biro ink all over a decent shirt, but that's been discussed to death so I'll gloss over that here. What Anne conveniently forgot to say is that I finished the weekend cryptic crossword and have sent it in for the chance to win an Aussie dictionary! It's only the second time I've finished the prize crossword since I've been here, and I don't think Anne was sufficiently impressed.

What gets me is Anne's comment that "Stephen was being very him". All this time I've been thinking Anne's been saying "Bless you", when in fact she's saying to me "be less you". What a terrible thing for a girl to say to her boyfriend!

Buy Australian (and the bl**dy foreigners can just rack off)

Australians are encouraged to buy goods made in Australia by Aussie-owned companies. This is obviously helpful to their balance of payments and is a good attitude to have, along with pride in your country and support of your compatriots.

One of the well known Aussie-owned brands, which uses this "Buy Australian" message on its packaging and advertising is food producer Dick Smiths. Their packaging for processed cheese states on the back that most Australians buy Kraft cheese, which is US-owned, and they have a similar message on all their products. They inform customers that Kraft is ultimately owned by US cigarette giant Phillip Morris, so it¡¦s easy to see that this is a useful campaign.

However, as with having pride in your country, this attitude can go too far and have a sinister side. A TV ad for Herron painkillers parades a series of proud all-white Aussies saying things like "Why buy foreign products and let the money go overseas" where the F in foreign is given a sneering emphasis implying all foreigners are the scum of the earth.

In UK ads it¡¦s often painfully obvious that the makers have made sure every ethnic group is represented in any group of people shown, but I now think this is preferable to the alternative of having blatantly white-only ads in a country with large immigrant populations (especially when the ad is slagging off foreigners). Whilst I¡¦ve not heard of race riots in Australia (which we¡¦ve had in the UK even in the last couple of years), racism here can be pretty blatant, and seems to be mainly aimed at Asians. (And I¡¦ve not even started on the Aboriginal issue.) I've heard that racism is worse in Queensland, apparently the home of the maddest section of the Aussies. But the New South Wales lot would say that, wouldn't they?

Tim Tams hit the UK

On a lighter note, when we first got to Sydney I raved about Tim Tams, a type of chocolate biscuit similar to Penguins. I've continued to be impressed by these glorious biscuits, and was overjoyed to discover the other day that the pack says a standard serving is two biscuits - allowing me to double my dose, and loosen my belt another notch.

Well, I heard last week that Aussie biscuit company Arnotts (or, rather, their US owners) are launching Tim Tams in the UK this year. I don't know if they¡¦re out yet, but as soon as they do arrive I advise all those reading this in the UK to log off and rush to the shops. They are divine.

I read an interview with the inventor of Tim Tams recently (honestly) and was interested to discover that he invented them after having Penguin biscuits in the UK in the fifties. He thought they were nice and decided to experiment with different mixtures of chocolate and cream to make an improved version. He certainly succeeded. As someone who's had his share of Penguin biscuits in his time I can vouch that the Aussie version kicks the Penguin biscuit out of the biscuit-ballpark.

Arnotts are taking legal action against ¡§Proudly Australian¡¨ food company Dick Smiths, who are making a very similar biscuit and calling it Temptin' (shamelessly written as "Tem p Tin"), with very similar packaging to the Tim Tam. Amusingly, the defendant has offered to clarify things by clearly stating on their packs "These are not US owned Tim Tams, but delicious Aussie owned Tem p Tin biscuits".

Movies, week-ending 27 April

Scribbler here. Only two films this week, but at least they were both good.

We saw Ripley’s Game at the cinema, and thought it was pretty good. This is based on book three in the series of Ripley books, and is set a good few years after The Talented Mr Ripley, made a few years ago with Matt Damon as the murdering conman. The title character is now well off, living in Northern Italy and entertains himself here by manipulating a terminally ill picture-framer who happened to diss him. John Malkovich is ideally suited to the crook with (almost) no conscience, but criticisms that he walks the part ignore his considerable talent. Does it really matter if it’s not a “stretch” for him? As usual he a joy to watch, and I found the film very entertaining. As Anne predicted, Four stars.

Also seen this week - X Men, which was on TV when we returned from our trip to The Blue Mountains. This was shown to capitalise on the release of the sequel this week. I’ve only seen this once before, at the flicks when it was released, and thoroughly enjoyed it the second time. I’ve not read the X Men comics at all, so can’t comment on its translation to the screen, but as a newcomer I can say that it works as a movie. The number of characters and amount of explanation needed means that some of the characters don’t get enough screen time and the film leaves you wanting to see more of most of the characters. (Except, that is, for a couple of the baddies, who were a bit rubbish. I think they died at the end and so will hopefully not be in the new film.) Let’s hope the new film gives us more and bigger – I hope to see it within the next week. Four stars.

Not a nail biting experience

My name’s Stephen and I bite my nails. Or at least I did. Given that I’m 28 now (not “28 years of age” – I hate it when people say that) Anne decided I should stop this disgusting activity, and I’m happy to say I agree with her. It’s a horrible habit and I’m ashamed of the way my hands look, so it’s high time I made an effort to stop putting germs and filth in my mouth. If I can’t stop on a supposedly relaxing year off I never will.

Anne was also particularly offended when I admitted to her that I did stop biting them once for a couple of months when I was about 15 in order to please my then-girlfriend. I started biting them again when I broke up with her – GCSEs are a very stressful experience (kidding). Anne couldn’t believe I’d never stopped for her. What she doesn’t understand is that she put up with it, meaning I didn’t have to stop. It is, therefore, Anne’s fault.

We bought some of that horrible tasting nail liquid at the weekend and I’ve been doing OK. I keep tasting it without even realising I’ve had my fingers anywhere near my mouth. It’ll be a tough habit to break.

I’m already seeing some growth and, whilst I’m hardly Wolverine yet, I expect that within a week or two people will be mistaking me for Hugh Jackman as I mosey down the street.

Ooh I am looking forward to X-Men 2.

By putting all this on the diary, I hope I’m increasing my chances of succeeding with my efforts, since I’ll have to admit if I fail and you can all write unpleasant comments about how many germs my fingers come into contact with every day, and how only small children bite their nails.

Long weekend again

Huzzah – another long weekend. It’s Anzac Day in Australia (and New Zealand) on Friday, so we all get a holiday. I found out today that the Queen’s birthday is also a public holiday here, which I thought was very loyal.

These long weekends aren’t so good when you’re contracting of course, but it’s nice to enjoy the city we’re living in. The weather forecast isn’t great, but I’ll be positive and hope for the best. We’re away on a two-day trip to the Blue Mountains on Saturday and Sunday, including a bushwalk into a very big canyon! Looking forward to that, though hope it’s not too wet.

We saw British comedian Dave Gorman at the Sydney Opera House last night, doing his Googlewhack Adventure show. It was very very funny indeed. He’s doing it at the Edinburgh Festival this year, and I’d guess that means he’ll be taking the show around the UK too. If he does I recommend you see it. He’s been off on one of his trivial but fun adventures again, and weaves the tale like a master.

Gimme Delta

Neighbours star and singer Delta Goodrum (a.k.a. The Lovely Delta Goodrum) seems to be all over the place at the moment – every time I turn on the TV or open a magazine (perhaps I’m reading the wrong magazines). Another Neighbours star turned singer – ho hum. Apparently she’s my friend Shae’s cousin’s cousin. Impressed? From the few shadows I’ve glimpsed on the wall of the BBC’s website-cave I see she’s also made an impact in the UK.

What a name though – Delta! If I have a child can I call it Omega? Or, like George Constanza in Seinfeld, Seven? How do lots of celebs get away with names that would get most kids beaten up in the playground? You don’t think twice when an actor has a name like Harrison or Keanu.

I don’t tend to follow celebrity babies in the press, but Anne pointed out to me that Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker called their newborn James. I find this quite refreshing in this day and age, especially when people like David and Victoria Beckham exist. Why celebrities, like the Beckhams, feel they have to differentiate their own children from the masses with ridiculous names I don’t know. Is great wealth and a privileged childhood not enough? It’s self-defeating as an elitist move, as plebs soon follow suit and call their children things like Marrakech and Tyranny. The latter is genuine and was related to Anne by a doctor friend in the UK who helped to deliver the poor child. I’ll bet he was tempted to declare it dead at the scene and smuggle it out of the hospital, to save the wretched creature from the agony of growing up with such stupid parents. Honestly, you need a licence for a dog, as they say.

My family aren’t innocent when it comes to strange names. I’ve been looking into my family tree recently, and, when searching through records of birth, marriages and deaths, I came across some great names. One of my ancestors was called Alcimus Coulthurst, son of Ithiel. The best name I found was Beppjebbah. It’s a name that sounds like it needs an exclamation mark after it. It’s the sort of word you would find useful it if you were a magician. When you performed a particularly impressive magic trick you could shout “BEPPJEBBAH!” and everyone would be rightly taken aback. As a name though I feel it’s lacking a certain finesse.

I’m not against novelty names per se. At a barbeque in London a few years ago we met a couple who had called their two boys Joel and Ethan. I had to ask if they’d been named after the Coen Brothers (film directors) and the couple said they were, and were quite chuffed someone had picked up on it. Fantastic. If I pretended I’d never met these people then I could call my kids Joel and Ethan and say it was my idea.

For once I think the French have got it right, only having certain “legal” names (although they choose silly names like Pierre and Jean for a man!) The rest of civilised society (controversially implying the French are civilised) should follow suit in order to stop silly people giving their kids ridiculous names. Stephen’s a sensible name I think, as are Peter, David, John, Michael, Tony, Simon, Richard and Tom. Let’s stick with those names for boys, and I’m sure we could come up with a similar number of proper girls’ names. We’d then have a set list of legal names and no imagination would be needed on the part of new parents.

Once this has been finalised, if you want to call your child a name that’s not on the sacred list you’d have to submit it to a committee (I nominate me) and the committee (me) would decide whether or not it’s allowed. If you name your child without the committee’s approval and give it a silly name you are liable to have your child put into care to avoid it being emotionally distressed when it gets to school.

Tough but fair, I think.

Tuesday = Movie update

Four more movies to fill you in on this week. If anyone has any comments about my movie reviews remember you can add a comment below. I try to keep them brief, so you should count yourselves lucky.

As I said yesterday, we got free preview tickets to The Good Girl from Richard. This is a little indie film starring Jennifer Aniston, and has been getting some good reviews. It also has the guy from Donnie Darko (the best film of 2002!) in it, and he plays a similarly messed-up character in this. JA's character works in shop and is stuck in a loveless marriage. She has an affair with Mr Darko and things get a bit messed up. It's not a cheery film, but has enough funny moments to keep it from getting miserable. JA's pretty good it really and the supporting cast are very good too. Four stars.

We saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding on video. Anne wanted to see it, I didn't particularly. Being a good boyfriend I let her hire it (good old me). It was OK, I suppose, but a bit run of the mill. We've spoken to a few Aussies who were very disappointed by this film. This may be because there's a large Greek population here, and the Aussies know a fair bit about Greek culture and stereotypes (they're talking about making The Kumars At No 42 here with a Greek family). There's a lot of Greek culture not touched on at all in this film. I'll give it two and a half, as it wasn't too bad, it just lacked any killer moments.

We saw The Sting on video, a film made before either of us were born. I've seen this a few times before but not for a few years. I'd forgotten just how entertaining it is. Paul Newman and Robert Redford are just great in it. Five stars.

Also on video, also entertaining, and also starring Robert Redford, was Sneakers. I'd seen this years ago but could barely remember it. It's a fun caper, despite having plot holes a mile wide in it. The cast have fun and so did we. Three and a half stars I say.

We now have a three day week at work. It's Anzac Day here on Friday. I suppose that means we should watch Gallipoli...

Easter update - see the diving pig!

I've put some new photos up on our Yahoo photo album, including some of The Royal Easter Show we went to last weekend. See racing pigs, the diving pig, and a snake crawling up my arm. More slithering, I suppose. Link is on the left of the diary.

Cheered in the pub

Hello. Stephen here with an Easter update.

On Thursday it was our eighth pub quiz. We came first in each of the seven previous quizzes, and given that first, second and thrid places all get a prize we were hoping for a little booze to see us through the week. When the results were read out the whole pub cheered us. There was a lot of love in the room.

We hadn't won. We hadn't even come second.

We came fourth (out of six).

Disater had stucken. When we arrived Sim, the manager of the pub, was dancing around saying that she'd been getting together a mega-team to beat us. The previous week the quizmaster had told her she'd die before she beat us, and she'd taken this to heart. She was sure her team would beat us, especially since we didn't have Richard to help us.

As it was, the quizmaster split her team into two. Those teams came first and third. If he hadn't split them we'd have at least come third! In second place was a team of eight people of a few nationalities. The two of us can't feel too bad about being beaten by a team of eight, I suppose.

But whilst our pride took a bashing, we were quite touched by all the cheering and good-natured ribbing we got for coming fourth. It really felt like we were part of a small community, and that's quite nice when you're so far from home.

We'll pick ourselves up and keep going. It's the only thing to do.

Wet Friday

We'd planned a few things for the Easter Weekend, including a 9km walk (from our Walking In Sydney book). However, it was raining on Friday, so (after Anne had got the toothpaste out of my hair) we decided to go for a swim and to an art gallery. Being Good Friday, we found everything closed and so wandered about in the rain for a while before deciding to give up and go to the cinema (Richard - my Empire writing stalkee - had given us free preview tickets to The Good Girl). We bummed around the rest of the day, having a coffee and cake in a coffee shop and then hiring a video.

Wet Saturday

Still raining on and off on Saturday. We went to The Australian Museum, a big museum with aboriginal stuff, dinosaurs, insects, skellingtons, minerals and evolutionary biology. We spent over two hours in there, which isn't bad for less than two pounds each! We swam in the afternoon, and that pretty much wiped us out for the rest of the day. Again, we collapsed in front of a video in the evening.

Grape Trail

Rain again on Sunday - bah! Fortunately we had a tour booked which didn't rely on good weather. We did a bus tour of The Hunter Valley. This is a wine growing region about two hours north of Sydney. In a group of 16 (including us) we were taken to three wine-growing businesses, had a tour of the facilities and drank small amounts of lots of different wines at each. We were also given some fortified wine and spirits, including a "dragon's breath" liquer, which had chillis in it. I was a bit pathetic and scrunched my face up at this one. How it burned! Anne, of course, took it like a man and reckons she could drink some more.

We were very drowsy after the second winery, and had a nice steak lunch. We collapsed, slightly hung-over, in front of a video in the evening. See a pattern here?

Mosman Trek

Finally, a non-rainy day! We bounded out of bed at the crack of 10am, and walked to Circular Quay to get a ferry to Cremorne. From there we walked (over) nine kilometers up to Mosman and beyond. We passed the zoo we went to a few weeks ago, and got some great views of the harbour. The weather was perfect for walking - dry but not too hot. We're both shattered now, so I expect we'll spend the rest of the day flaked out, reading the paper. Perhaps a video tonight - I don't know.

I hope we have dry weather next weekend when we're going for a bushwalk in The Blue Mountains. Aren't we outdoorsy?

An inquiry into the success or otherwise of Anne And Stephen’s Big Adventure. April 2003 - first interim report

So we’re almost ten weeks into our year-long Big Adventure. The mathematicians and accountants out there will realise almost instantly (once calculators have been consulted) that that’s nearly 20 percent of the Adventure done and over and gone with.

This seems like a good time to assess how Anne and I are currently feeling about the task we’ve set ourselves. First though, I’ll just say a little about our reasons for jacking in our jobs, renting out our flat in London, leaving our friends and families and travelling half way around the world.

We’d never done this sort of thing before, whereas a few of our friends had done it straight after uni. We both wanted to but, once we were both on the career ladder and the property ladder, we thought we never would. Too many ladders to worry about, you see. Bloody ladders. After more than six years out of uni though, we felt we could do with taking a breather and re-evaluating what we’re up to. Are we doing the right careers, or should we make a change? Do we want to live in stressful London, or should we move elsewhere?

We didn’t want to wait for a nervous breakdown or mid-life crisis to make us ask these questions.

And we wanted to see a bit of the world, of course.

There’s some disagreement between Anne and me about whether this is a Year of learning or a Year off learning (I say the latter and she the former). That single consonant is the source of much gainsaying and mirth between the two of us, as you can probably imagine. How we laughed.

Happy talk

We were talking the other night and have decided we’re both really happy and relaxed living and working in Sydney. (This is especially good for me, since I regularly seem to be a bundle of stress in London.) We don’t have many responsibilities here, and I guess that’s part of the reason for our comparatively happy demeanours. For example:
-We have no car (one fewer thing to think about);
-We don’t own our tiny Sydney flat (many fewer things to think about);
-Our jobs are short term contracts so there’s little time to get to dislike them (and the things we do dislike about our jobs we know will be out of our lives soon enough).

Of course, this life is a little unreal and unsustainable, partly for those reasons above. We want to own our home, we often need a car at home, and we don’t want to be on short-term contracts. So these aren’t long-term solutions for us. They do make us think though, and I guess we need to change things at home based on what we learn.

The usually-pleasant weather (even in autumn) might have something to do with it too. Also the feeling that the whole of Australia is out there waiting for us to explore it.

Could I be the IT geek people have always said I was?

I’m already starting to think about where I want my career to go. I’ve always been reasonably good at, and quite enjoyed, IT and at the moment I’m thinking of trying to move into that area when I return. Since I’m accountant a good way to do that may be through learning more about accounting systems. This could all change in the next ten months of course, but that’s where part of my brain is right now.

I’ve also realised that the office I worked in before I left the UK had a nice, friendly atmosphere. (A month at unfriendly-GE made me realise that. I’m not yet able to judge The ABC yet, having been there only a week.)

Looking after the cents

A big thing we’re learning here is budgeting. Having been reasonably well off in the UK we didn’t have to think about this too much, and so didn’t save as much as perhaps we should have done. We’re now trying to keep to a budget. Not as small a budget at people travelling straight from uni would be on, perhaps, but a reasonably tight budget nonetheless. We’re trying to record everything we spend, which now seems to me to be a key way to control spending, and it’s good to know that we can manage quite happily. We’re finding it quite easy really (though our budget will have to shrink once we’re not earning!)

I suppose part of this is because we can’t really buy much, as anything we buy (and don’t consume) we’d have to carry around with us when we leave Sydney and travel round Australia, New Zealand, Fiji and the US. Having a reduced social life helps too I guess, and we wouldn’t want to carry that over to the UK (unless I offend too many people with this diary).

It will be interesting to see how this budgeting goes when we’re travelling – after all when you’re working nine-to-five Monday to Friday there are fewer opportunities to spend money. I’ve really no idea what that’s going to be like, and how we’re going to fill our days when we move on from Sydney. Anyway, this budgeting is good as it’s showing us how to do it and making us see that we could reduce our expenditure in the UK if needed (say, for example, I decided to stay at home and be a house-husband, sending Anne out to work).

A way to go

There’s still work to be done. I got a little stressed when I had three days off work last week and thought I may not get work for a few weeks (not a lot stressed, but a little). I’ll have to work on that over the next forty-two weeks.

We’re aware that we might hate travelling – no routine, nowhere to settle etc. If we do I guess we’ll look to settle and work somewhere else for a few months. At the moment though, I don’t think we will hate it. We’re both quite excited about it all and our feet are getting itchy.

We have some trips and things planned for our time in Sydney though, so we’ll enjoy that first.

Brokenman.net

Everywhere in Sydney, chalk messages are popping up on the street which say "brokenman.net? 'D' ?". Obviously some kind of marketing campaign for a website - this website.

Seems a bit odd, doesn't it? Select D and you're faced with some pictures of places in Sydney. Apparently a puzzle to solve. Anne likes puzzles - I may get her onto this.

This article in the Sydney Morning Herald sheds a bit of light. Seems like it's been going on for quite some time!

A different world

A friend, Simon, has been inspired by little me and has started his own blog here. Simon was in the Sixth Form with me, and is married with two children (one of them less than two months old). This will surely be the antidote to my blog. I’ll keep my eye on it, and expect great things since he works in IT and has free access to a PC (rather than having to pay by the hour at internet cafes).

One of his first posts sets out a day in the life of a man with two kids, and is very different to anything you’ll read here. He doesn’t even appear to watch any movies on the day in question. Odd, I know.

Simon’s clearly not so open-minded and tolerant as I am since he doesn’t allow his wife to post to the blog. Shame on him, the outmoded dinosaur. Having said that, I only allow Anne to post at weekends.

I’m thinking of banning Anne from visiting Simon’s blog, lest the baby photos distract her and she turns into a soppy fool.

Is He Dave Gorman? Yes.

We’ve booked tickets to see a show at The Sydney Opera House on Wednesday 23rd April. We’re quite excited about seeing a show there, as it’s such a cool building. Seeing it for the first time is a breathtaking experience, and I’m happy to report that I still get a funny feeling from laying eyes on it.

The show we’ve booked to see is that of British comedian, Dave Gorman. You may have heard of him from his book and TV show “Are You Dave Gorman?” in which he hunted down other people with the name Dave Gorman. He seems to be making a name for himself with comedy shows about obsession. He’s at the Melbourne Comedy Festival at the moment and is bringing his show, Googlewhack here for some dates from next week. It’s a comedy show about the Google search engine. That’s right – look impressed.

Search me?

Which brings me on, rather nicely to…

A fun thing about having a web-site is that I’m able to see what links people have followed to get here. Most people who read this site know us personally, and either come here directly to http://kent-taylor.blogspot.com or come via our homepage at http://www.stephenkt.co.uk. Some people, however, search for something on Google, or another search engine, and end up here by chance.

So far I’ve had a number of visitors who’ve come here by searching for information of limited edition ranges of Magnum Ice Cream. That won’t be so surprising to regular readers.

The other day someone came here after searching for a picture of Colin Firth as Mr Darcy. Fair enough, but sorry to disappoint.

The top one so far though has to be the person in the US who searched for: gagged lisa kudrow . Blimey! That’s quite a specific request. It puts in my head a slightly worrying image of a man sitting alone by his PC thinking “Gosh, you know I really like that girl who plays Phoebe in Friends, and I like seeing pictures of her lovely face. However, what I’d really like to see is a picture of the blonde actress gagged -mmmmm. And just maybe, with the help of the interweb, I can find a picture of just that.” When he clicked the link and came here I reckon he must have been more disappointed than those who read this site and don’t like my film reviews (see below for this week’s round up).

Since becoming interested in this strange phenomenon I’ve found that these strange searches are a big thing in the “blogosphere” (the collection of people who blog). I can see why – they’re pretty amusing.

With all this in mind, and a tentative desire to become part of the seedier part of the interweb, can I just say: Jeri Ryan (actress who plays Seven of Nine in Star Trek Voyager) wearing a tiny bikini. And for the ladies: Ben Affleck all oiled-up and and wearing just a pair of Speedos. Let’s see who that turns up.

(Yes I know - that isn’t so much fun. The fun ones are where you write something perfectly innocent and someone comes upon your site whilst searching for smut.)

Approving moving pictures

Only three films seen this week – one at the local arty cinema and two on video.

At the cinema we saw Punch Drunk Love, a film by P T Anderson (Boogie Nights, Magnolia) starring king of silly comedies Adam Sandler. Unlike the director’s previous two films, which were very long and reasonably weighty, this is just over 90 minutes, a great length for a romantic comedy, which is what it is. It’s kind of like an off the wall Adam Sandler comedy done well, with interesting direction and classy cinematography.

Sandler’s character is an unstable, occasionally violent, lonely loser, and he meets and falls for Emily Watson. He needs to sort out a few problems with his mental state and some bad boys from Utah before he can settle down with her, and he does this in an entertaining way. The film’s score is worth a mention and at times reflects Sandler’s character’s confused state well. It’s hard not to like Adam Sandler, even when he’s in rubbish films, so it’s nice to see him in a quality movie. Four stars.

The next film was re-titled Joyride (or Joy Ride) in the UK, but I think the original title, Roadkill, is a more appropriate title. It’s about some youths who play a trick on a trucker using a CB radio. The trucker turns out to be a psycho and the kids spend the rest of the film being chased and harassed by him. Not much of a joyride! It’s Immensely silly, but quite good old-fashioned fun. Three stars. Late addition - apparently I got that wrong - it was Joyride in the US but re-titled Roadkill in the UK and Oz. Maybe this comments feature wasn't such a good idea. Thanks Tony!

Lastly, The Hard Word. This is an Australian film starring Mike from Neighbours. From looking at the video box it wants to be an Aussie Lock Stock and it does have quite a few nice moments, and some good characters. It all ends up being a little small and a bit silly though, so doesn’t entertain quite as much as Lock Stock did when it came out. Still deserves three stars though. I’ve no idea why it’s called The Hard Word.

Quiz night number seven

Last night was our weekly pub quiz at our local bar. Our friend Richard came along, who not only knows a lot about art and movies, but is the son of two geography teachers so has a good knowledge of that subject. This is good because, whilst Anne has a pretty good grasp on where countries are in the world, my geography is just awful.

Wayne, the quiz-master, decided to handicap us this week since we've come first every week so far. He decided to lop four, five or six points off our score at the start and I had to blindly pick which. I drew six, so the challenge was on.

The bonus round, where we often pick up a lot of points if it's about movies, was dead hard. We had to list the 13 artists or bands whose names begin with A or B who had number one hits in Australia in the 1990s. We got two right (Billy Joel and Bryan Adams). Like idiots we missed ones we really should have got like Britney Spears, The B52s and Ace Of Base! Anyway, this didn't matter as we still won by eight points despite the handicap. We should be careful not to annoy everyone there.

It's a nice atmosphere there and we stayed chatting to a few people after, including the pub manager who was on a rival team.

Magnum quest - nearly there

I've now have eight of the nine Magnum ice-creams in the Sixties Nine range. Phew ¡¦almost over. I had the Cinnamon On The Moon one yesterday. It had cinnamon flavoured chocolate on the outside. I wasn't looking forward to it, but thought it best not to leave it until last as that would taint my appreciation of the range. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but it wasn't great. Only the Guava Lamp to go now. Thank God.

When Anne and I were sitting in the park in the sun at the weekend there was a couple nearby each eating a Magnum from this range. He had the John Lemon and she had the ChocWork Orange - probably my two favourites in the range, and the ones I had near the start of my quest/chore. They seemed to be mocking me, saying,
"L­ook at us, look at us: not being subject to an ill-considered self-imposed quest to go through every single ice-cream in the range, we can eat the best ones and not bother with the ones we have no interest in. After this weÃÓe going to go and buy the same ones again. You are a fool, and we are best."

This quest may have been a mistake. I'm afraid nine limited-edition luxury ice-creams is just too much. There aren't enough flavours in the world to make nine new Magnums (on top of their regular range and last year's Seven Deadly Sins range) without making some of them mediocre, or even unpleasant. Walls/Streets should learn this lesson and learn it well.

Pun Time!

My Magnum-misery could be lessened by a task I'm setting to make this diary more "interactive" (buzzword of the nineties). Use the comments box below this entry (and only this entry) to submit ideas for other Ice Creams which could have been in the Sixties Nine range. Here's three I've thought of to get the ball rolling.

The Viet-Naan (an ice-cream bar with the flavour of this Indian bread canÃÕ be much worse than the musk-flavoured Candy Warhol)
Barley Harvey Oswald
Cuban Missile Cassis

Who needs horoscopes?

Stephen here. It was raining this morning when I went to work (which was nice as it meant I wasn't pining for another day in the sun). As I stood in line at reception at ABC's offices at about 9.30am on my first day of work there, I was reading the back page of The Sydney Morning Herald. There was a short article about how this flash new ABC building in Ultimo, on which much public cash was spent, has a leaky roof. It said there were buckets in the foyer to catch the drips. How odd, I thought, to be reading about the very building I'm standing in. I looked around but couldn't see any buckets, and figured their information was a little out of date.

Then I felt a drop of water on my back. Then another. And then some more. The roof had decided to leak on me as I read the article. I told the man at reception that the roof was leaking, and he looked at me suspiciously. I felt like holding the paper up and shouting "It is leaking! Look: The Sydney Morning Herald says so too!"

Good Day Sunshine

It's a beautiful sunny day today, and I've been for a job interview. The job is at The ABC - the Australian equivalent of The BBC. It's based in an area of the city called Ultimo, which sounds rather like the name of a superhero, don't you think?

I'm waiting to hear whether I got the job. I'm on tenterhooks - literally - and hoped to have something to report by now (4.30pm). I'm getting a little anxious now, since recruitment consultants have confirmed my suspicions that a lot of potential recruiters will be taking the next two weeks off.

I've spent the afternoon looking into things to do at the weekend and relaxing. I had a sunbathe and read in Hyde Park again with my picnic lunch. There were hundreds of tiny school children everywhere! I tell you, I don't know where they get their energy from. Not one of them stood still for a second. It was like they were trying to make a large scale model to demonstrate the principles of Brownian Motion. (Though they'd neglected to include a representation of the smaller particles which hit the bigger particles, so it wasn't a very good model. Or, rather, that's not a very good analogy.)

For the last hour I've been fiddling with my blog template (twenty years ago people would have followed that with "Oo-er missus"). You may have noticed (who am I kidding?) that the layout has improved a little lately. This is thanks to my looking into HTML a bit, and to my friend, Tony, in the UK who has been busy looking at the source coded and offering advice. It's a good time for me to take an interest in the technical side of web-publishing - when I'm paying by the hour in internet cafes for web use.

Anyway, my latest addition to this diary is a comments facility. Blog readers can now add comments to each post. Who'll use it? Possibly no one - we'll see. Try it out by leaving a comment on today's entry (click on "comments" below).

When Anne finished work last night, after she'd quizzed me about the jobs I'd done during the day (sigh) we went swimming at an indoor pool. Very good of us, I thought, though we were aching and exhauseted all night. We woke this morning groaning and complaining like people three times our age.

Look at me, at The ABC

Hooray - I've got the job! (The above title is a play on the current ad campaign by The ABC. It appears on the side of buses here. I can't believe you didn't know that.

I start tomorrow (Thursday). Look at me - three days off work and I'm a nervous wreck. I really have to work on this by the end of the year. I'm sure I'll be fine when we're travelling proper, but we'd decided to try to pay our way through Sydney with work.

Anyway, a little about The ABC (or what I know of it). It's funded by the government, and not by a licence fee. As with The BBC they call it "Auntie". I don't know why - I was a bit surprised by that. Then again, I don't know why we call The BBC Auntie in the UK. It sounds like I'll be recording processes and suggesting improvements. It should involve a bit of Excel work, including designing worksheets and models - that is good, I like that. I can hear people clicking on links to leave this page as I write. We'll see how it goes.

The building at Ultimo is new pretty spectacular. Here's a link to some info about it.

Now I have a job, and an income, I can get started on the final two Sixties Nine Magnums. Anne wants to see Punch Drunk Love tonight. I think we'll make this a celebratory cinema visit. (Anne's current contract finishes on Friday. She may be entertaining you by blog next week.)

Poetry In Motion Picture Criticism

And so it was, it came to be
I (Stephen) wrote reviews in rhyme
To keep the diary fresh (and see -
I really do have too much time).

I’ll try to keep it up throughout
I’ll keep the lines a-coming strong
The rhyme’s OK, though I don’t doubt
The scansion’s where I may go wrong.

You’re all on tenterhooks to find
What films we’ve watched in the last week
Well wait no more, if you don’t mind
I’ll say which shine, and which ones reek.

Samedi nous avon regarder
Un movie dans la cinema
Read My Lips - un film Francais
Quoi je dit? Je ne sais pas?

C'est un film mal? C'est un film bon?
C'est tres bon est jamais mal!
C'est un movie interessant
Et je declare quatra etoiles.

One film down we saw another
Also rating above par
This one: All About My Mother
Helmed by Pedro Almodovar.

A strange tale set in Barcelona
That twists your mind and never bores
Involves a dead young organ-donor
A nun, and some trans-sexual whores.

This European film is great
It makes you sad and makes you laugh
See it tomorrow - don't you wait
Number of stars: four and a half.

Thought we'd hire a film on Sunday
But, of course, it's two-for-one
So two films more for us - I must say
That is my idea of fun!

Kissing Jessica Stein was first
A lesbianic tale it spins,
Quite different, funny, I've seen much worse
Three stars - a decent ninety mins.

Second was a yarn by Oscar
Wilde, and not one of his sternest
From the rhyme you may guess it's The
Importance Of Being Earnest.

Colin Frith (ex Mr Darcy)
With old Judi Dench he spars
In a tale that's pretty farcey
Once again, it gets three stars.

And so that’s it – that’s all we saw
Four and no others (yes – it’s sad)
Same time next week I’ll write some more
On this week’s films – both good and bad.

A man of leisure?

So I don't have a job - you'd think I'd be bumming around in the gorgeous weather we're having at the moment. However, I got up on Monday morning and, after a jog, the chores began. Anne had left me a list of things to do (I'm not kidding). First I went and joined our local library - not so much a chore, more a way to save money on books. I also went to a second-hand book shop and bought a book on walking in Sydney (saved ten bucks on the price we nearly paid for it new!)

OK, so those two things weren't too much slog, but when I got back to the flat I cleaned it from top to bottom! Our flat's pretty small (think slightly above-average hotel room) so that took about an hour. It needed doing - you know you're in trouble when your feet stick to the kitchen floor.

Then it was off to do more chores outside. (After a pleasant picnic lunch, read and sunbathe in the park.) I went to book a youth hostel for a weekend hike we planned to do in the Royal National Park near Sydney, only to be told there are no beds available at weekends until the end of May! I booked it for then, but if we're both out of work at the same time we may be able to do it in the week sometime. We're looking around for other outdoorsy trips to do in the meantime. In nice weather going for long walks can be lovely. We've realised that the fact that we're lazy and unadventurous in the UK isn't our fault - it's the climate.

Then off to Woolworths Metro to do the weekly supermarket shop. That was slightly hellish. Just trying to stop the checkout girl giving you three times as many plastic bags as you need is a challenge. They're terrible at wasting plastic bags here. There's murmurings of introducing a tax on use of these bags, as has happened in Ireland. After visiting Dublin last November I'm a strong supporter of this small tax - it's had a great effect there.

So you see - I hardly sat down all day! Poor me. The weather's nice again today (Tuesday) but is forecast to get worse as the week goes on. Therefore I hope to find a job soon. (One day off work and I'm getting edgy!) It's Easter weekend the weekend after next and Anzac Day on the 25th April so we have a four-day week followed by a three day week. I'm a little concerned that people won't be recruiting contractors as they'll be taking holidays. We'll see.

Must I spend my life correcting Anne?

Anne said yesterday that we did nothing on Sunday. Not true! We visisted the Anzac Memorial and looked at their display detailing the Anzac's involvement in a number of wars and conflicts, then trailed round Sydney trying to find flight deals. It was only in the afternoon we sat in the sun reading books and magazines. Bliss!

Stephen the Unemployed

Bums. It seems I no longer have a job. (This is Stephen, by the way.)

My time at GE Insurance ended today. When I started they said it would last for between two weeks and two months (depending on instructions from their head office in Melbourne) so they were honest with me. What annoys me a little is that they kept me hanging on until Friday afternoon to let me know whether I’d be required on Monday. Such is a temp’s lot in life I suppose.

(I’d already told recruitment consultants I was on the market again, and would have left with a day’s notice if something better had come up, so it swings both ways.)

Anyway, now that I’ve left this pretty dull job in a slightly unfriendly department I’ll tell you an odd thing about the place. Two odd things.

Just act like I’m not here

First, hardly anyone spoke to me there. Now, I’m not that loud or confident when I first start a job so I wondered if perhaps I wasn’t making enough effort for the first few days. However, after a week a new PA joined and sat near me and two other temps (one of whom spoke to me, the other was very quiet). After a few days she was told she should send an email around the office introducing herself, saying that she was a permanent member of staff. Apparently people were ignoring her because they assumed she was a temp! I think I pretty much gave up when I heard that, and satisfied myself by doing the crossword on my own in a food court at lunch time, whilst eating my noodles (brilliant Asian food over here!) I was surprised because we had a lot of temps at The Economist and they were generally welcomed into the fold. Makes me appreciate my old employer.

So I’m not that sad to leave.

Please – avert your eyes

The second odd thing was the toilets in the offices (the men’s – I didn’t think to check in the ladies’). The floor was really shiny. REALLY shiny – you could see your reflection in it. It wasn’t slippery – just shiny. Not so bad, you might say – at least it shows it’s clean. Well, yes. However, in addition to this there was also a gap of about a foot between the floor and the bottom of the cubicle walls. This gap is a bit too big for human decency in my opinion.

Anyway, put these two seemingly unrelated facts together and it means that when you’re sitting on the loo you can see the reflection of people as they wash their hands. Given basic laws of reflection this must mean that they can see you sitting on the loo too. (I never dared to check this out when someone else was in a cubicle.) I found this a little disturbing, and I must admit it hampered my movements.

Sorry to bring the tone down there.

Do what makes you uncomfortable

Anyway – part of the aim of this Big Adventure is to take us out of our safe, secure environment and challenge ourselves. This sudden unemployment is surely just a part of that adventure. I’m trying to be like George Costanza in that episode of Seinfeld where he decides to do the opposite of what he would normally do in every given situation. I’m looking forward to a few days bumming around and enjoying Sydney. I hope the weather’s nice. And I hope it doesn’t last more than a week – we need the money! I probably can’t justify having any more Magnums now until I find another job. Again – bums!

The Sixties Nine vs The Seven Deadly Sins

SKT here. More news on my progress with the Magnum Sixties Nine range. I had a Jami Hendrix (instead of Jimi Hendrix – do you see?) the other day, which is like a normal (Classic) Magnum, but with bits of cookie (biscuit to you and me) in the chocolate coating and strawberry “jam” layers running through the ice cream. It was pretty good. Yum!

However, now for some bad news (for me, not for those of you in the UK).

My research into Magnum Ice Creams abroad uncovered a limited edition range that was out in Oz last year – The Seven Deadly Sins. There’s a Peppermint Envy Magnum still out here, which I assume is a left-over from that range. Perhaps it is really nice and, when faced with it being withdrawn from sale at the end of the promotion, the Aussies came together as one to protest. Their protests probably fell on deaf ears at first, but over time Streets (Aussie name for Walls) were worn down and gave in, magnanimously agreeing to continue selling the popular snack. So that proves that Streets do have ears after all. Hold on - that joke doesn't work in Oz.

Some of those seven sins aren’t pleasant though, so it’s a bit odd that they’ve made a luxury ice cream with a Wrath theme, for example.

Anyway, one of Anne’s friends got in touch to gloat, sorry – inform me, that this Seven Deadly Sins range is coming out in the UK this summer (it may already be out - run to your local Bejam to find out!) (QUICK!)

So you lot enjoy your luxury ice creams, and let me know what they’re like. Perhaps you could try each one and then rate them in order of preference, sending me a summary with a brief comment about each one. I hope one of them is as bad as the Sixties Nine Candy Warhol [shivers at the memory]. I will collate opinions on this limited edition range and let you all know in due course what the general consensus is.

Please don’t tease me about missing out on this range on two continents though. Remember that my limited edition range has nine units within it. Yours has seven. I win by the sheer physical amount of numbers.

In the meantime, I think I still have two more Sixties Nine Magnums to nosh on.

Bruiser Glazier

Anne’s sister Kerry wasn’t taken in at all by my tale of Anne’s violent nature:

"I didn’t guess straightaway – but I was suspicious when you wrote that the Home and Away ladies were coming onto you, then I finally
twigged when you claimed Anne punched the dunken beauty. Headbutting is more Anne’s style"

The Truth Is Back In Here

Stephen here. First, if you've not read yesterday's post about the celebrity party - read that before you read this.

Done that?

Good.

Right. I hope everyone took yesterday's prank in good humour. Some people were taken in who I thought would see right through it. I used to think that April Fools jokes were only played by sad, sadistic individuals with too much time on their hands. Now, of course, I know better. Here's some of the feedback I got.

1) "Do you know what? I've just recounted the entire story to my boss who sits opposite me. At the end of it I said that I couldn't really believe it had happened because it's so far fetched, and as the words were leaving my mouth the horrible, horrible truth suddenly burst into my trusting, innocent, stray-kitten brain.

There SHALL be revenge for this. Maybe not for years and years... but one day... Oh yes!"

2) "I believed you right up to the part where you play chess with Ray Meagher - that was just too much for me!!!!"

3) "Of course I was always going to be the one who fell for the april fool."

Anyone who knows Simon Brown can probably guess who that last one's from.

Anyway, rest assured it will be all truth an no lies from now on in this diary. I did enjoy causing mischief from the other side of the planet. Anne has asked me to point out that she's not a violent person.

For those who asked, here's how to work out the answer to the title of yesterday's pack of lies.
Pilfer a loo – disturbed and lacking energy today (5,4)

Pilfer a loo – disturbed means it's an anagram of PILFER A LOO
and lacking energy means miss out the letter e from the anagram

Patronising explanation over.

Pilfer a loo – disturbed and lacking energy today (5,4)

What a night! Anne and I had a bizarre time last night, ending with a fight and a game of chess.

Through my friend, Richard, who writes for Empire here we managed to get tickets to a celebrity screening of the new movie, Ned Kelly at Fox Studios. The film was fine, but more important and fun was what happened after the show. There were loads of (Aussie) celebrities at the cinema, and journalists kept thinking we might be famous (I think they may have thought this because we were “dressed down” – we have few smart clothes with us!) I thought about stringing them along by pretending to be a lavatory magnate or something, but that would have just been cruel.

So after the show, Richard managed to get us into a huge bash at Fox Studios. I’d never been to one of these things before, and didn’t recognise most of the Aussie celebrities, but was still star-struck by the likes of Harold and Lou from Neighbours! We got chatting to Donald Fisher from Home and Away (now ex-H&A) who was a real laugh, and had some outrageous stories to tell. The party wound down at about midnight, but Donald Fisher invited the three of us to a post-party party at his place – a huge mansion on the outskirts of Sydney! Unlike us he didn’t have to work the next day, but we were hardly likely to turn him down. Most of the cast of Home and Away were going, though sadly no Neighbours cast members, due (apparently) to a bitter rivalry between the two productions.

When we got to the party it was, if anything, more lavish than the Fox Studios do. We were tired, but still had the energy to imbibe a fair amount of champagne. The trouble really started when this sexy (but drunk) Home and Away actress (I don’t know who she plays – I’ve not watched the show in ages) decided she liked me. She kept coming on to me (not in a subtle way!), despite the fact that Anne was standing right next to me! Anne put up with it at first, but eventually pointed out that I was there with her. This actress got really violent and started lashing out at Anne. The music stopped, and this girl screamed at Anne and tried to pull her hair. I’ve never seen Anne violent before, but she wasn’t putting up with this! Anne punched the actress right in the stomach, and this girl fell – gasping for air. I couldn’t believe it!

I thought we were going to get chucked out for sure, but I think Mr Fisher found it quite funny – apparently this girl is always making an exhibition of herself after a few drinks. The party quietened down after this, and we ended up playing chess with the guy who plays Alf Stewart until 3am! Anne wiped the floor with him, though fortunately kept her fists to herself this time. Alf Stewart kept calling Anne “Bruiser”.

It goes without saying that I’m knackered at work today.

(If you’re not big on cryptic crosswords, get someone who is to decipher the title to this entry.)