Pilfer a loo – disturbed and lacking energy today (5,4)

What a night! Anne and I had a bizarre time last night, ending with a fight and a game of chess.

Through my friend, Richard, who writes for Empire here we managed to get tickets to a celebrity screening of the new movie, Ned Kelly at Fox Studios. The film was fine, but more important and fun was what happened after the show. There were loads of (Aussie) celebrities at the cinema, and journalists kept thinking we might be famous (I think they may have thought this because we were “dressed down” – we have few smart clothes with us!) I thought about stringing them along by pretending to be a lavatory magnate or something, but that would have just been cruel.

So after the show, Richard managed to get us into a huge bash at Fox Studios. I’d never been to one of these things before, and didn’t recognise most of the Aussie celebrities, but was still star-struck by the likes of Harold and Lou from Neighbours! We got chatting to Donald Fisher from Home and Away (now ex-H&A) who was a real laugh, and had some outrageous stories to tell. The party wound down at about midnight, but Donald Fisher invited the three of us to a post-party party at his place – a huge mansion on the outskirts of Sydney! Unlike us he didn’t have to work the next day, but we were hardly likely to turn him down. Most of the cast of Home and Away were going, though sadly no Neighbours cast members, due (apparently) to a bitter rivalry between the two productions.

When we got to the party it was, if anything, more lavish than the Fox Studios do. We were tired, but still had the energy to imbibe a fair amount of champagne. The trouble really started when this sexy (but drunk) Home and Away actress (I don’t know who she plays – I’ve not watched the show in ages) decided she liked me. She kept coming on to me (not in a subtle way!), despite the fact that Anne was standing right next to me! Anne put up with it at first, but eventually pointed out that I was there with her. This actress got really violent and started lashing out at Anne. The music stopped, and this girl screamed at Anne and tried to pull her hair. I’ve never seen Anne violent before, but she wasn’t putting up with this! Anne punched the actress right in the stomach, and this girl fell – gasping for air. I couldn’t believe it!

I thought we were going to get chucked out for sure, but I think Mr Fisher found it quite funny – apparently this girl is always making an exhibition of herself after a few drinks. The party quietened down after this, and we ended up playing chess with the guy who plays Alf Stewart until 3am! Anne wiped the floor with him, though fortunately kept her fists to herself this time. Alf Stewart kept calling Anne “Bruiser”.

It goes without saying that I’m knackered at work today.

(If you’re not big on cryptic crosswords, get someone who is to decipher the title to this entry.)