Monday, March 31, 2003

Stephen’s Weekly Movie Round-Up

Here it is once again – a round up of the films Anne and I have watched in the last week. Now you’ll know what to stick in your DVD players, and what to stick in the box marked “to the charity shop, and fast”. My mum tells me she skips the films reviews – you might want to too!

Bend It Like Beckham
We’ve come all this way and we watch a film set in West London – fools! This is a fun British film about a British/Indian girl who enjoys playing soccer (for a girls’ team), but has to contend with her strict-parents forbidding her to play. Seemed a bit far-fetched to me, since soccer’s such a dull, dull game, however it was well made and pretty funny. Fairly forgettable I suppose, but it’s the sort of film Brits can do well. Notably, the hero’s overly-skinny white girl friend played Natalie Portman’s decoy in Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace, I gather. Yes – look impressed.

Three and a half stars (and I only called the game “soccer” to annoy British soccer fans).

Men In Black II

Much the same as the first Men In Black film, but without the novelty value. Some of the effects were poor, and most of the jokes weren’t funny the second time around. The writers obviously thought, “The talking dog was popular in the first film – let’s put him on-screen more in the sequel and we’re guaranteed laughs”. They were wrong – the dog is funny in as much as a talking dog is a funny idea, but there’s nothing new here. Tommy Lee Jones was one of the best things about the first film, and here he does nothing. Yawn!

Watch the first film again rather than hiring this. The film lasts a paltry 84 minutes (including closing credits) so I suppose the best that can be said about it is that it’s mercifully short,

One and a half stars.

Bowling For Columbine

Anne’s already given her review of this, so let me add my tuppence-worth. It’s a well-made documentary about gun-crime in the US, and the violent nature of the US in general. I was expecting Michael Moore’s conclusions to be that there’s more shootings in the US because of easy access to guns. However, whilst that’s undoubtably a factor, it can’t be that simple – Candians have easy access to guns too, but they don’t have anything like the gun-crime rate of the US. He makes a case for a cycle of fear and paranoia in the US perpetuated by the media. Frightening, funny, sad and well deserving of the Oscar.

Five stars.

Mission: Impossible 2

I knew this was a bit poo, but it was on the TV and I knew it was filmed in and around Sydney so wanted to watch it again (I saw it at the flicks when it came out).

Whilst I like it being a different style of film to the first film, which was more clever and sophisticated, I think the John Woo action scenes just made it seem like any other OTT action film. There was little intelligence and a lot of stupidity. Tom Cruise has grown his hair since the first film, presumably so it waves about “artistically” when viewed in slow motion. And what’s with those doves??

Two and a half stars.

Friday, March 28, 2003

You do the math

Stephen here again (Anne seems to be a reluctant blogger). We’re starting to think in dollars a bit more now, rather than converting everything to sterling. Anne’s managing to make the change a bit better than me. When we talk about the price of something I still often append it with “…that’s about X pounds”.

Now we’re earning Aussie dollars, and given that we plan to be here for about eight months in total, I really should try to stop doing this.

So how to change the currency you think in? The first thing to do is to gauge the price of staple goods. For example:. a cup of steaming hot Joe (coffee). We did this by looking at a few coffee shops and finding out the price of a standard “flat white” (that’s what they call a white coffee – or white americano – here). We included in this survey Starbucks and McDonalds, to give our benchmarking exercise an upper and lower limit. From then on we didn’t need to convert the price of a coffee as we could quickly gauge if it was reasonable or not. And whether we could afford cake to go with it.

For items we don’t buy regularly conversion to sterling can still be helpful. The conversion rate is about 2.8 dollars to the pound. We found this a bit difficult at first, and the mathematician in me didn’t like the rough “divide by three” method as the would be 6.7% (to 1d.p.) lower than the actual figure, and so we’d be convincing ourselves things were cheaper than they were.

And so we figured out an algorithm using what we called “Numerical Analysis” at uni. Our improved method was to divide by three and then add 10%. This was much better as it over-estimated the sterling amount, but only by 2.7% (to 1 d.p.). That’s a 60% reduction in the magnitude of the systematic-error, and an overestimate rather than an underestimate, which is preferable.

The accountant in me is happy with this as he considers a 2.7% error to be immaterial. Especially given that 2.8 dollars to the pound was the rate when we left the UK, and that could well have moved by now!

Let’s see an example of this in practice:

Example 1.1
Stephen wants a slice of almond and cherry pie, which costs $3. How can Stephen tell how much this is in sterling, given that he can’t divide by 2.8 in his head, and doesn’t own a cool calculator-watch because Anne said the look stupid and he wasn’t allowed one?

[You may say that Stephen can easily see quite quickly that the cake would be just over a pound, but that gross simplification neglects to remember that Stephen is a boring accountant and therefor requires an answer in pounds and pence.]

Let’s put our algorithm into practice:
3 divided by 3 is 1. Add 10% to 1 and you get 1.1. Therefore the delicious almond and cherry slice is 1 pound and ten pence (overstated by 2.7%). (Sorry – no pound sign on these silly, silly keyboards.)

Stephen buys the cake, happy now he knows how much it would cost in sterling to with 2.7% (barring any transaction costs of exchange, and movement in the exchange rate in the last seven weeks). The attractive, comely serving-wench smiles alluringly at him as she takes his money, not realising that Stephen has a beautiful girlfriend and therefore hasn’t even noticed this girl’s Cameron Diaz-esque good-looks and barely-covered body.


You see – who said foreign travel was difficult? Next time you go abroad be sure to take with you an accountant/mathematician and a scientist. The fun and laughter will be never-ending.

I hereby grant permission to anyone who is thinking about writing a maths text book to use my real-life example of applied maths.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Same ol', same ol'

Quick one from Stephen. Last night was quiz night number 5 at The Brighton Bar. We got Shae and Andrew to come along, and they brought a friend, Jim.

Jim used to live in London and worked for, wait for it, The Economist. What is it about working at The Economist that makes people want to escape to somewhere antipodal? It really wasn't that bad!

Jim is also very good at pub quizzes, and we won by an embarrassingly large margin.

I did make one silly, silly mistake where I asserted that the song "Nobody Does It Better" came from On Her Majesty's Secret Service. I can hear you all laughing at me. When I realised I was wrong I wanted the world to swallow me up. At least between us we managed to name 5 Robin Williams movies from the second half of the nineties, and also assign years to almost all of the best movie Oscar winners from 91 to 2000 (we got Forrest Gump ans Shindler's List mixed up - grrr).

Perhaps I need to watch more films.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Electile Dysfunction

The NSW state elections, which I’ve mentioned before, were held on Saturday. The polling stations were open from 8am until 6pm. I initially thought that was odd, and wondered how workers would be able to vote, until I realised that this wasn’t such an issue when the election is on Saturday, as opposed to stupidly holding elections on Thursday as we do in the UK.

It’s compulsory to vote in Australia, and you can be fined for failing to vote. Not sure how I feel about that: it seems a bit harsh, but then again it would mean you don’t have elections with pitifully low turnouts (UK again!)

I won’t keep you in suspense any longer: The Labour party and Bob Carr – the incumbent state premier – won. John Brogden and his Liberals (Tories) lost ground and were worse off after than they were before (Don Bob shuts John’s Gob). This is, apparently, surprising and bad for the Liberals, who claimed a moral victory all the same (naturally).

So Bob Carr, beginning his third term in office, is on the way to becoming the longest serving state premier ever.

Many of the results were announced by 9pm – I guess they counted as the day went along, rather than closing the polling stations and the starting the count. They announce before all votes are counted – even on Monday morning when the results were in the paper they stated that only 80% of votes had been counted in some constituencies. Weird huh?

Voting is a little complicated. They have a preference voting system, so you number your candidates in order of preference, with your favourite candidate getting a number 1 next to their name. You have to fill in 1 to 16, and may go on to fill the sheet. With the ridiculous number of candidates here that can go on to nearly 300 in some places, and quite a few people fill the sheet! (I think the rules have changed to reduce the number of candidates recently – last time the ballot papers were so big they became known as “tablecloth ballots”!)

On counting, candidates are knocked out when they have the fewest votes, and the votes for that candidate are re-allocated to the next candidate on those ballot papers (the number 2s). This process continues until there are only two candidates left, and then whichever gets more than 50% wins. This can lead to a candidate who wins on Number 1 votes (but gets less than 50% of the total) losing the election – as I notice happened did in Manly on Saturday (click on link to see what I mean).

I know that no voting system is seen as perfect, but that must be a real downer for the loser! I guess it would stop the situation where a left-wing “issue” candidate with no hope of winning takes votes away from a Labour candidate and lets the Tories in, for example.

Anyway, this may seem a little dry but it’s quite interesting to watch an election taking place in a foreign country. Even if it is only Australia, which hardly seems foreign at all sometimes.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

A proper gander at Fox News

SKT here. Before I get around to reviewing my weekend movies here a tale. I was doing a particularly fiendish dot-to-dot puzzle the other day when I got distracted by the news on an Australian network TV channel. There was a report about the biased war news reporting they’re getting on some channels in the US. They showed a clip from Fox News. It went something like this (NB this is from memory, so it may not be exactly as broadcast):

-----------------------------------

[A male and female presenter ?each trying to out-smile the other]

Male news presenter: Good evening. I’m Chip Brady

Female news presenter: And I’m Malaysium Crudup. Welcome to Fox News.

[Titles: TARGET: SADDAM’S HEAD AND BRAIN]

CB: Later, a brief report on the un-American communists protesting in the US against The Godly Liberation Of Iraq. But first, Iraq has fired several missiles into Kuwait. Knowing Saddam, I expect the missile warheads probably contained kidnapped babies. And kittens.

MC: That’s terrible Chip ?Saddam clearly is the evil man President Bush has been describing all along. I’m so glad America and its citizen have never supported bad terrorist organisations.

CB: I’m with you there Malaysium ?not only is Saddam, by his own admission, not a Christian, he’s also evil enough to openly fire aged-missiles when faced with a conquering force.

MC: And laying land-mines. That really is the lowest thing a state can do. Land-mines should be banned across the world.

CB: [getting message through earpiece] Er…Malaysium, remember not all land-mines are evil, just Arab land-mines.

MC: Of course ?sorry. [quickly changing subject] The big question is: is Saddam now dead, or sitting in a bunker somewhere? Fiddling with children.

CB: Even if he is dead, Malaysium, his generals may still fight on, despite the fact that every other Iraqi adores the coalition forces.

MC: Later in the programme we’ll be showing footage of US forces giving grateful Iraqi prisoners water, Hershey Bars and some cool Harry Potter stationery. Our forces truly are a glorious gift from Christian-heaven aren’t they Chip? Let’s hope they manage to completely wipe out Iraq’s infrastructure in order to liberate those poor Iraqis.

CB: So long as they can still receive Fox News International of course!

[They both laugh uproariously. The glare from their overly-white teeth is blinding, though fortunately dulled somewhat by the poor-quality NTSC picture.]

CB: And now we go over to Jamal Hamass in Washington for a report on how all right-thinking Muslims in the US adore President Bush.

MC: [Not realising her mike is still on] Jamal ?what a funny name!

---------------------------------

I think that’s the gist of what was said, at least.


A cad and my awards

Spent four hours watching the Oscars last night ?phew! Enjoyed Michael Moore’s speech, and was chuffed he won. I’d not seen the nominations, so they were as much of a surprise to me as the winners.

Anyway, I watched three pretty good films at the weekend. Here are my thoughts for you:

Catch Me If You Can

Saw this at the cinema on Friday. It came out in the UK just before I left, with a fairly low-key release for a Spielberg film. It’s a fairly small sixties-set light-hearted tale, based on a true story, of a teenage con man (Leonardo DeCaprio). An FBI agent (Tom Hanks) spends years trying to catch him.

I thought it was excellent. It has the best opening titles I’ve seen in ages, and has a fine John Williams score that really adds to the movie. What might be a lightweight comedy in another director’s hands becomes more than that with Spielberg. There are plenty of nice touches that make this stand out from the usual fare. Christopher Walken is great as DeCaprio’s character’s downtrodden father. I was chuffed to see him nominated for Best Supporting Actor.

It’s as well that Leonardo DeCaprio seems to have lost his heart-throb status, since he’s a good actor, and screaming girls tend to make you forget that.

Five stars.

Road To Perdition

From the director of American Beauty, this is a gangster flick with (again) Tom Hanks. This time Hanks is a hit man for Irish immigrant gangster Paul Newman. Hanks’s son sees him ‘whack?someone and the film is about the consequences of that.

Newman is impressive considering he’s nearly 80! How he finds the energy to act at his age, along with making all those salad dressings and sauces, is a mystery to me. And Hanks is pretty good as a killer, which wasn’t a given following his many, many nice-guy roles.

It’s had comparisons to The Godfather, but I don’t think they help. It’s not that similar, or as good. It is good though - four stars.

Ghost World

This is based on a comic (graphic novel?) about two misfit girls fresh out of high school. They wander around moaning about everything and everyone and one of them befriends Steve Buscemi’s oddball character.

It has some very funny moments, and the two leads are really good. It seems to flounder a little at the end, though that’s not really a criticism since the whole film doesn’t have much plot as such.

Four stars.

All in all ?a damn good batch.

Monday, March 24, 2003

Tony Blair and me – really so different?

Hello - Stephen here. As a quick appendix to Anne’s post on Sunday, I was struck on Sunday night at how my path and that of the Prime Minister, Tony Blair, seem to intersect on occasion. Lessons I learn are similar to those facing Mr Blair. Bear with me on this.

So, yes, Anne allowed me to watch two videos in a row on Saturday night. These were Road To Perdition and Ghost World (not Ghostworld, as Anne hilariously wrote!) I was, as she said, chuffed by this. Things were coming together as never before, and two quality movies in one night (reviews later) was my dream come true.

But every silver lining…

On Sunday, after a relaxing day at the dragon boat races, I innocently suggested renting another video. I was only after watching one video, note – I wasn’t being silly here. But no. Anne said that since we had watched two films on Saturday night it would be nice to spend Sunday evening playing cards and listening to music. Gah!

Of course it was a nice evening, and I won at rummy. This shouldn't be taken as Anne being proved right though - I want to point that out right now. This was her manipulating the situation and making it impossible for me to protest. Somehow women have the knack of doing this. If I were to complain, as should be my right, I would have been the one who came out looking selfish and spoiled. I did all I could and magnanimously made the best of my lot, but I was entirely aware that nearby there was a video crying out to be watched.

It became clear to me that by watching two films on Saturday night I had effectively signed a deal with the devil. When you sign such a deal you must read the small print, as there’s always a price involved. I know now that when offered what appears to be my dreams on a platter I should tread carefully and think through all the possibilities.

And this seems to be a lesson Blair may be learning in the near future.

[Stephen nods sagely to himself whilst typing.]

Friday, March 21, 2003

My bit for peace

I (Stephen, not Anne) left work yesterday at about 6.30pm. The sky was eerily misty, apparently because of a sandstorm elsewhere(!) There was a protest march going through the city. They were protesting about some skirmish or other which was going on a long way away. The traffic was at a standstill. I later saw on TV that the state premier, Bob Carr, was trapped in his car when protesters surrounded it and attacked it with paint. If they had our tabloid press out here, I imagine we’d see a headline like: Yobs Mob Bob Carr’s Car. This was a silly effort as he’s the state premier, whereas the war is a federal matter. Fools.

Anyway, I went all out for their cause on the way home by eating my sixth limited edition sixties-themed Magnum ice cream. This one was called Peace Man-go. A weak pun compared to some of the others in the range, but appropriate for the day I thought. It was shaped like a heart (or, rather, shaped like the idealised "heart-shape” – no heart is shaped like that) and had mango ice cream with mango-flavoured chocolate on the outside. Yummy. This protesting lark can be fun.

Reading the papers and BBC News web site this morning, I see my efforts may have been in vain. Bush and Blair truly are deaf to the voice of people. At least I tried.

Don’t lose, choose booze

You’ll have noticed that yesterday it was Thursday again. That means it was quiz night in our local bar. Regular readers will know that Anne and I have been each of the previous three weeks and won a $40 bottle shop voucher each time. We don’t drink a lot (often, but little), so our small studio flat is getting a bit full of Toohey’s New beer and bottles of wine!

Well, we won again yesterday. It was surprising because we weren’t doing very well up until the last round, and I failed to recognise the theme tune to Little House On The Prairie (is that how you spell prairie??) in the last round. I was able (eventually) to name five Sean Connery films from the nineties, which I was happy with.

Win we did though, and we now have to find somewhere to store more “grog”. I think we’re going to buy more expensive wine this week.

In bonus rounds. we also won a Jim Beam baseball cap and T-shirt (we now have two such T-shirts – we can coordinate). We need to bear in mind that once we leave Sydney (May? June?) we’ll need to carry all this with us in our rucksacks.

Pub quizzes are very popular here apparently, and some people at my work thought we were very clever for winning. However, I’ve found out that a lot of these quizzes offer big cash jackpots, and ours doesn’t, so it looks like all the big quizzers go to those. There are only ever four or five teams at our quiz.

Rather than go for the big buck, Anne and I are happy to be a big fish in a small pond. Two big fishes, I suppose. Two big fishes with lots of alcohol.

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Turning...into...techie...geek

I've been learning a little HTML from using Blogger. I've also come across a little Java, and have put a week-counter and a clock on the left of the diary (so you can see how many weeks we are into the Big Adventuretm, and what time it is here). Admittedly I found the code on other people's sites, but I've had to tweak it myself.

I think I'll become a web-developer when I return home, like everyone else on FriendsReunited. (You see - I've even figured out how to make that link, and all the links I put up yesterday, open in a new window when you click them!)

(I notice that some of the archives are currently missing. I don't think that's my fault - Blogger is famous for it, I gather.)

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Magnum chores

In my quest to get through all nine in the Sixties Nine range of Magna, I had a Candy Warhol the other day (a pun on Andy Warhol). It wasn't nice. The chocolate on the outside is white (like Warhol's hair, I suppose) and has lots of coloured bits in it (unlike his hair). The bad part is that it has "musk" flavoured ice cream in. What's that about?

Are they taking the Mickey? Isn't musk something animals secrete? It tasted quite bad anyway. I ate the whole thing, obviously, but I can tell you that I didn't enjoy it. That's five out of nine done now. I hope the other four are better than the Candy Warhol. That one deserves considerably less than 15 minutes in the limelight.

What am I going to do when I've had all nine?? (Continue eating the Choc Work Orange ones, I suppose.)
Blogging all over the world

Stephen here. The idea is that I’m here for a life experience and to decide what I want to do when I grow up. However, I seem to be spending more time finding out about “blogs” (web-logs) like this. At blogger.com (where I have to go to update this diary) there are links to other blogs. It’s interesting to see a few.

Some are terribly mundane, and some are very interesting. It’s mostly American teens writing about their lives, but there are more interesting blogs (like ours, for example). This guy is a CNN reported based near Iraq. This guy has some funny things to say in his day-to-day life. This girl has some issues.

If you have some hours to kill try looking around a site called Blogarama (there’s a link to this in the column to the left of this diary).

Will blogs change the face of journalism as we know it? No – they’re mainly used by indulgent teens to moan about how unfair life is. As we all know, if you want to change the world you don’t write a blog – you write to The Metro.

That was the tweak that was

Whilst reading other people’s blogs I’ve realised that our blog is quite basic, in terms of functionality. (You can always tell a web-geek when they use the phrase “in terms of functionality). I’ve been tweaking my blog here and there to improve it, but there are some things I can’t do without access to the files on my main web page on my Freeserve site, which I can’t do until I get home to the UK.

My latest tweak is to make the archive links appear in a drop-down menu. That’s right – look impressed.

Another tweak I’ve done is to enable the web site to record each word you look at, and flag to me when you misunderstand a joke.

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

Miss Vegemite-eee-eee

I recommend you do.

I may rave on about Tim Tams, and I do like the way Aussies put a slice of beetroot in a beefburger, but I don't like all Aussie food indiscriminately. I don't like Vegemite. (Pronounced, presumably, to rhyme with Yosemite.) (Which spoils the title to this diary entry.)

I'd heard of this foodstuff a lot, especially in Neighbours. It's like Marmite, I suppose, but worse. When we were staying with Shae and Andrew in Manly, Shae raved about it and said we must try it. I rose to the challenge and almost immediately gagged and spluttered - like a child eating sprouts.

It's the devil's custard, and you should stay away from it as you would a rabid wolf. A rabid wolf that leaves a nasty taste in your mouth.

Yuck!
Only in Australia

I was reading the NSW State Electoral Office's web site (don't ask) and came across this:

The Least Successful Election

The worst ever election was held in June 1974 when the voters of a town in Western Australia re-elected as mayor the man whose death had caused the election in the first place.

Apologising to the 8,731 electors who had voted to have the mayor reinstated for a further year, the town clerk apparently described the occurrence as a bad mistake. It was, he said, the result of confusion on the part of those preparing the ballot paper.

When it was announced that the mayor had been elected by a sizeable majority, there was, not surprisingly, a considerable public outcry, not least from the sister-in-law of the deceased. On hearing the result, she said, "I know George was very popular with the townsfolk, but I was still surprised to hear his election victory announced on the radio, driving back from the crematorium."
Video tasty

As Anne has said, I bought a VCR at the weekend. Having discovered DVDs a few years ago I didn’t think I’d ever be happy to watch a video again. The pictures are fuzzy and the sound poor. Compared to the TV reception we have here, however, the pictures and sound are fantastic. And there aren’t ads every 10-15 minutes as there are on the network TV films (grrr!)

I was therefore excited and happy to get a VCR, as you can imagine. It cost me about 65-70 quid (couldn’t find a second hand one) and I intend to sell it when I leave Sydney and get a fair proportion of that back. That’s how I justified my purchase to Anne. My excitement was increased when I joined the local video library and they said we get two films for the price of one for the first month of our membership. Yay!

Now, I don’t want you thinking we’re just going to sit in and watch films all the time. After long days walking around Sydney at the weekend though it’s the perfect way to unwind. We watched two videos at the weekend (for the price of one!) and here are the judgements:

Signs

I enjoyed this. A few people had told me that it was disappointing (including an Empire film critic!) so perhaps this managed my expectations. It’s a story of alien invasion, shown through the eyes of a disillusioned preacher (Mel Gibson) and his family.

It all ties up a bit neatly at the end I suppose, but I was entertained. At least I was once I’d got over the fact that videos are still made in a 4:3 ratio rather than widescreen – yuck! Four stars.

I read that Mel Gibson’s next film is about the last days of Christ’s life and is in Latin and Aramaic – without subtitles! Funny Mel Gibson.

Eight Legged Freaks

This is an affectionate parody of/homage to monster movies of the fifties. It makes little attempt to be taken seriously and doesn’t even really try to be scary. It’s about spiders which grow in size due to chemicals.

The cast have fun, and I’d say it’s worth watching for a laugh. Three stars.

We also watched a film on telly:

Enemy of the State

Being shown on channel seven, this 131 minute film (per the IMDB) was stretched out to two hours fifty minutes (170 minutes) thanks to the ads. That’s a 30% increase in length due to ads (ignoring any PAL speed-up issues). Also, there was some poor editing of naughty words (“Kiss my BOTTY“). I think you can sympathise with my VCR-buying now.

Anyway, this is a really fun film, with Will Smith and Gene Hackman. Will Smith is targeted by John Voight, a bad NSA man, and is reluctantly helped by ex-NSA man Gene Hackman. Anne was jumping up and down with excitement during the spy-satellite scenes, like a small child on tartrazine - bless. Four stars.

Auditors from the past in the present. In Sydney.

I went for drinks last night with three people I used to work with in KPMG. One of them was the guy who pounced on me as I left work the other week. We drank and put the world to rights and I caught up on gossip. They’ve all been here a couple of years or more, and were able to give me lots of tips on what to do in and around Sydney when we’re not watching videos.

Sydney’s such an international city – there are loads of Brits working over here. When you see the harbour, with the opera house, ferries and bridge it’s easy to see why people are attracted. Add to that the climate, and the weird animals wandering around the parks (I’m still enjoying seeing ibises, bats and cockatiels everywhere!) and you wonder why everyone doesn’t come here.

It hardly feels like we’re away when I keep meeting people I know from London, and I can be in email contact with people. Travelling isn’t what it used to be. Not that I know what it used to be, but it wasn’t like this I reckon.

It was St Patrick’s Day, but these weren’t St Patrick’s Day drinks since I don’t celebrate that day. I’m English, not Irish for crying out loud. I’m not going to dress up in green as an excuse to drink – it doesn’t suit my curmudgeonly manner.

Any of you without Irish blood who went for St Patrick’s Day drinks on Sunday or Monday is wrong. Thus I have spake, and ever it must be so.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Travel bungs up the sinuses

I (Stephen) have a cold. It’s not the flu – it’s a just a cold. And when I say it’s just a cold, that is not to belittle my condition in any way. It’s not pleasant, but it’s not the flu since if it was the flu I wouldn’t be writing this as I wouldn’t be out of bed. It’s a cold and I will fight for the right to be able to moan about colds because I will not exaggerate my condition by pretend it’s the flu. It’s not the flu, it’s just a cold.

Stephen P.I.

At work on Thursday my (cold-ridden, sniffy) mind wandered and I remembered a guy called Richard with whom I’d worked in Sainsbury’s. I worked there, mainly in the fruit and veg section, at weekends when I was in the sixth form and in some of the summers when I was at uni. I’d not seen Richard for eight or nine years and wondered what he was up to. I typed his name into Google to see if he has what nerds would call a “web presence”. I wouldn’t call it that, obviously – I said nerds, remember?

I found a few references to someone of that name having written some film reviews for magazines and some reference books on films. This was a stroke of luck, as I figured if anyone I knew would do such a thing it would be him. I looked him up on Friends Reunited (should have done that first really) and found that he was indeed a writer. His listing mentioned that he was off to Oz, though this was from over a year ago.

So I went back to Google and searched for his name along with “Australia”. It came up with his contact details at the Oz edition of Empire film magazine where he is now a writer. He's right here in Sydney! I read this magazine every month in the UK so I was very impressed. I called him at his office and checked if it was him. It was. He remembered me and he came along to the weekly trivia quiz at our local last night. What a small world! If it hadn’t been for me and my private eye/stalker ways I wouldn’t have got in touch with him.

To top off the coincidences, this morning I saw this article on Yahoo news about people stalking people and tracking down long-lost friends on Google.

Pop quiz, hotshot!

So Richard joined Anne and me for our third pub quiz. We’d come first each of the two weeks we’d been and each time had won $40 of bottle-shop vouchers. Given that we’d only won by a narrow margin each time, it wasn’t a foregone conclusion.

This time we had a secret weapon. The Richard I knew from Sainsbury’s had an encyclopaedic knowledge of, among other things, films and sport. The latter was particularly important, since Anne and (especially) I fall down on sports questions. Things hadn’t changed and he helped us to our third victory.

Embarrassingly we won by a clear 12 points, thanks mostly to our new team member. The other regulars there must hate us. As it was we got talking to them afterwards and (I hope) they don’t hate us. They seem like nice people and it’s good to have a regular Thursday night fixture. These wins will make our inevitable first loss all the more painful though.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Letting agents of hell

Stephen reporting in. We’re having a bit of a problem with the letting agent through whom we’re renting our flat in Sydney. Nothing serious, we just can’t get a straight answer from them on something. They’re called Adept Property, but Anne now calls them Inept Property. Ahahahahahaha - we win!

You see, we don’t think they are adept!

(We think they’re inept.)

Dr (Anne) who?

I’m working proper hours (9 until 6ish, unless I do overtime), but Anne is working from about midday until about 8 or 9pm (so she can phone and bother people in the evenings once they get home from work). Consequently, we don’t see much of each other at the moment.

This might be for the best, as in the month between quitting our jobs back home and getting jobs here we barely left each other’s side. Much as this must have been a pleasure for Anne, I detected that once or twice my chirpy, friendly wit and banter may have been a bit too much for her.

So I reckon, once Anne’s been through two months or so of calling strangers on the phone all day and trying to ram financial services down their necks, she’ll finally appreciate me.

Meanwhile I get some time alone for colouring-in.

Monday, March 10, 2003

Election 2003

Stephen here. There’s an election here in 12 days. This has encouraged me to read up on how things work here a bit. It confused me at first but I think I have it now.

The coming-elections are for the state of New South Wales (NSW). I don’t know if the other states are currently having elections too, but I don’t think they are – I reckon I would have heard something as I’ve been reading The Sydney Morning Herald every day and watching local news. In NSW Labor (no U – the buffoons) are in government at the moment, with Bob Carr as their leader (The Premier).

Very Australian, having a government leader called Bob. In the UK he’d surely be called Robert. It was never Jim Major was it? And Maggie Thatcher was just a nickname. I’m sure there are people in the UK who think we’re being incredibly liberal calling Blair Tony, rather than Anthony (if that’s his name, it may not be). Again, insufferable warmonger is just a nickname for Mr Blair.

The main opposition are the Liberals, the right wing party – presumably the equivalent of the Tories in the UK, only more electable one would think. Their leader is a 33 year old man called John Brogden. The Greens are also here, and some independent candidates and smaller parties, but I think I’ve listed the main two. The likely winners seem to be Labor, so the status quo looks like it’ll be maintained.

Both leaders seem pretty amiable. It’s interesting coming at this from a state of ignorance, as I have no preconceptions about these people.

The state governments only deal with state issues, so the Prime Minister’s apparent unwillingness to listen to the people and his keenness to jump into an ill-thought-through war against Iraq supporting the aggressor (the US) is not currently being brought up as an issue.

The state government has an upper and lower house – though unlike the two houses in the UK both houses are elected.

Each state has this system of government, and then on top of this, covering all states is the Federal Government (which also has an upper and lower-house). The Liberals are in power at the moment, with John Howard, the Prime Minister, the leader.

Do these many different governments seem a bit much to you? They do to me! Australia has a population of, what, 20 million people? Do they need two-house state governments for each of the six states (NSW, Queensland, Western Australia, Southern Australia, Tasmania. Victoria – I think that’s the lot) and then a federal government as well? (I’m not sure what the Northern Territories and the Australian Capital Territory do – but they’re not states.) This is not including the local councils, which they also have. Sounds like too much bureaucracy to me. I may try to change things while I’m here and sort out the former-colony for Her Majesty.

Movie Overload!

Given that we’re on a budget, and tend to be wandering around Sydney or going on trips when we’re not working, we tend to collapse in front of the TV in the evenings. Work is really exhausting us too at the moment. I guess that’s a combination of not having been to work for a month, and not being used to the heat.

We have an old TV in our little apartment, which doesn’t even have a remote control. That’s right – we’re really roughing it! Getting up to change the channel is a hell of an effort, I can tell you. I feel a bit unclean watching this little screen, especially as the picture’s not that good and I’m used to a beautiful big Sony Wega flatscreen widescreen TV. Anne thinks watching the pathetic little git of a telly we have now will be good for me. She likes to see me squirm.

There are plenty of movies on network TV here, especially at the weekend. Let me update you with the films we watched in the last few day, whilst exhausted:

Ransom – Mel Gibson in an entertaining film I saw at the pictures when it came out. Good, solid thriller with a good cast of baddies. Four stars.

Forces of Nature – Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck in a road-movie with BA trying to get to his wedding (to miserable-whingeing-Abby from ER) and meeting SB on the way. Pretty poor in lots of ways, but gains a star for having an ending I liked. Ben Affleck’s character is called Ben in the film, which I found a bit distracting. Two and a half stars.

Big Daddy – I’ve generally tried to avoid Adam Sandler movies, but found myself laughing out loud a few times in this silly film, despite myself. Two and a half stars.

So they’re not terrible films, but I’m on the look out for a cheap VCR so I can rent films I missed at the cinema and do want to see, rather than be forced to watch films I missed at the cinema for good reason. Obviously I’d rather get a cheap DVD player, but the TV’s so old it doesn’t even have the right sockets for a DVD player. Pity me.

Anne would probably allow me to buy a VCR (and then sell it on when we leave Sydney). (Not that I need my girlfriend’s permission for everything I do – I don’t.) She may be a bit annoyed if I arrive home one night with a 32 inch widescreen TV.

Saturday, March 08, 2003

A few photos

A few more photos have been uploaded to the photo album ("Big Adventure Photos" link to the left of the diary), including one of Anne at the zoo (very up to date - see her diary entry below) and one of me at the pictures! None of Motivational Mouse, sadly.

Hope you like the new diary format. I thought this was better as it gives the posts more room.

Thursday, March 06, 2003

It’s a small world (after all)

SKT here. As I left work on Thursday I heard, “Is that Stephen Kent-Taylor?” It was a bloke I used to work with at KPMG (I left KPMG in 1999). He’s now working for KPMG in Sydney, whose offices are, I gather, near where I’m working. Weird huh?

I then had a Cherry Guevara Magnum (a pun on Che Guevara the Cuban revolutionary) - my fourth in the series of nine. It was good, but not up the awesomely high standard of the Chocwork Orange Magnum.

We two (trivia) kings

We followed through on our intention, as revealed in Anne’s post yesterday, and last night returned to our local pub (or “hotel”, as they call them here) to try our hand at the trivia quiz for the second week running. Regular readers will recall that last Thursday we came first, and won $40 of bottle shop (off-licence) vouchers. That bought us two bottles of Banrock Station (white wine) and twelve bottles of Tooheys New (beer) – not bad given our tight budget!

The quiz is in three rounds, and after last night’s first round we were joint last (there were five teams there). Oh dear, we thought, last week was a big fluke. Two large teams on the other side of the room were very vocal and were winning. We were ashamed. Our brains had been put to the test, and had been found wanting.

However, we pulled ahead to third place after the second round and then went on to win, after storming the third round! Another $40 voucher – lovely, thank you very much. OK so we spent $24 on beer during the quiz, but we’re still up.

Anne’s knowledge of capital cities helped us out. She knew the capital of North Korea and brilliantly guessed the capital of Syria. I knew the capital of Romania, thanks to learning all the European capitals with a housemate at uni, but I’m useless outside Europe.

My enviable strengths came to light on the TV Theme Tunes part of the quiz, where I correctly identified the theme tunes played as L.A. Law and Mork & Mindy, thus proving that my childhood was well-spent. I was annoyed at myself when, asked to name five Nicole Kidman movies from the nineties, I included Dead Calm which was from the eighties, apparently. Damn my sickening inability to remember production dates of movies.

We were both poor on the intros round, where the first ten seconds of a song is played and you have to give the title. I got “Mmm mmm mmm mmm” by The Crash Test Dummies, and Anne got “Unbelievable” by EMF, but the rest were odd US M.O.R. A.O.R. bands. And, of course, Crowded House. We were also poor on sports, though Anne was better than I was, obviously.

All said, we are a good team. We are unbeaten. I’m setting us up for a fall really, since both weeks we have won by less than two points. Only adds to the drama.

Four nights, three and a half days ago

Hello – it’s Stephen. Sorry, but I forgot to say that I watched Six Days, Seven Nights on TV on Sunday night. If I don’t add it here then the film review element of this web diary will be incomplete.

This is a pretty mediocre film starring Han Solo and Anne Heche. They’re a mis-matched pair who get stuck on a desert island together, whilst their partners look for them and then give up on them. Nicely, Han Solo ends up battling the guy who played Jango Fett in Star Wars Episode 2 Attack Of The Clones (SWE2AOTC). Jango ends up dying when a rocket goes wrong – the same way (well, similar to the way) his son, Boba, dies in SWE6ROTJ!

Anne Heche’s character works for a magazine in New York, and so doesn’t think much of Indiana Jones’s pilot character. Of course, by the end they’re in love and entering a relationship which, let’s face it, doesn’t have a future.

David Schwimmer (Ross from Friends) plays Anne Heche’s other half. This is a bad sign. Without exception, no Friends star is ever good in a movie. Ever. With the possible exception of Lisa Kudrow, I suppose.

Jack Ryan is watchable in anything, so it gains a star from having him in, but otherwise the film’s a bit silly. Reasonable waste of a Sunday evening I suppose. Two stars. And that’s quite generous.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

The last-of-the-summer whine

SKT here. So apparently it’s autumn in the southern hemisphere. Happened on Monday, I gather, and I reckon that’s a bit rough. I came here for warmth and sun, and though it’s still quite warm (too warm to be wearing a suit) it’s quite windy and grey in Sydney at the moment.

I was quite enjoying what little we saw of summer. The girls in Sydney were wandering around wearing not a lot, which was quite good. I don’t pretend that this is all for my benefit, of course – it’s for the benefit of all the (straight) men out here.

In contrast to the hipsters ‘n’ cleavage look in Sydney, in Tokyo there was a very appealing fashion of short skirts and long boots. (Appealing on the women, that is – it was a bit tacky on the men.) So you see I am getting a cultural experience out of my trip.

And please don’t email me telling me that’s sexist. It’s not.

Anne is Mr Benn (metaphorically)

When Anne realised that a job in science was going to be hard to come by she got a bit sad. However, the flip side of this is a chance to try something different – a chance to be like her hero, Mr Benn. Anne could go into the metaphorical magical fancy dress shop and try on any outfit she liked: secretary, PA, waitress, welder, sex-trade worker… the possibilities were endless, and she wouldn’t be restrained by her A level choices or degrees.

However, the job market here is pretty dire, so things were a little different. She still is Mr Benn (metaphorically, not actually), but as she entered the fancy dress shop (job market) she found that the picture was not as she remembered from the telly. Most of the racks were empty of outfits (jobs) and the outfits (jobs) that were left were door-to-door sales outfits (jobs) or were similarly poor. What’s more, the magical shopkeeper had gone away (on holiday probably) and left a miserable, disinterested school kid who didn’t want to serve (return calls) in charge of the fancy dress shop (job market).

I suppose Festive (or was it Festival?) Road, where the real (fictional) Mr Benn lived and walked down to get to the fancy dress shop, is represented in this metaphor by the route between London and Sydney. Via Tokyo. However, that doesn’t really add anything to the image and I will omit it so as not to get bogged down.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that Anne’s having trouble finding work.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Missing archives

Admin. It was pointed out to us (thanks Tony) that some of the earlier archives were missing. We've sorted this out now, so you can all breathe a sigh of relief. Phew.
Steve-o's jobbie

Stephen here - hello. As you can see from the heading, I'm getting the hang of the Aussie lingo (language). You'll also have gathered that I have a job!

After two weeks bumming around Sydney, and a whole month since I left The Economist, I've just finished my first day of work at GE Capital - a large American company (very large). People at The Economist will draw breath when they hear I'm helping out with balance sheet recs. Everyone else reading this will just glaze over, having no clue about (or interest in) what a balance sheet rec is.

So Anne and I are going out for a Thai tonight - our first proper meal out in Oz. We've been taking this budgeting thing quite seriously, and have denied ourselves even coffees out until one of us was employed. This was so that I could still afford to fill up on Magnum ice creams.

I'm very tired. I don't think I'm cut out for work.

Saturday, March 01, 2003

Culture, a film and The Bottie Gardens
On Friday morning we went to The Museum of Sydney for some learning. I'm reading The Fatal Shore, a book on the founding of Australia. It's very interesting, especially reading it here in Sydney where a lot of it happened. Many of the street names are from the era I'm reading about, and I wanted to go to the museum to see some of it first hand. The museum turned out to be very small, and didn't have many artifacts from the 18th and 19th century, but proved to be interesting in other ways. We watched a good documentary from the 1940s on the building of the harbour bridge and there was a fair bit to read. Also good was we got a $4 discount with our YHA (Youth Hostel Association) membership, and so paid only $3 each. Result!

We relaxed in the afternoon. That's a nice thing about living here for three months - we're in no hurry to do everything NOW and can afford to take it easy a bit. Being unemployed has some real advantages, though I imagine we'll tire of it quite soon. We watched The Siege on TV in the evening, a film starring Denzel Washington and Annette Bening, with Bruce Willis in a strange little role. It was pretty interesting, especially following September 11th (2001). I'd give it more than three stars, but probably fewer than four. I guess that means three and a half stars. Hmm, perhaps I should have started off with a ten star system, since having half a star seem pointless. A five star ratings systems seems to be overly-limiting. Now I've started though I will have to stick with it, and just bite the half-star-bullet begrudgingly.

We were up with the larks on Saturday, and the sky was overcast following a night of rain. I took my pedometer, which Anne foolishly gave me for Christmas, and we went for a jog at the park again. The park is 2.6km away, and it took us 31 minutes to walk there (I also used the stop watch on the watch my sister got me for my birthday!) We did a complete circuit (2.9km) in 20 minutes 40 seconds. Last time we jogged (Thursday) we stopped after 18 minutes without completing the circuit. We thought we'd only managed a quarter to a half of the circuit, and walked back the way we came. This morning we realised that we were just a couple of hundred meters from the end, and should have continued walking in the direction we were jogging. We are Bennies.

I later had my third Magnum ice cream of the trip. I figured I'd earned this, having been jogging. This one was a "Chocwork Orange" Magnum (instead of Clockwork Orange). It was truly amazing. Probably my favoutite of the three I've had. I'm now a third of the way through the nine.

Perfectly, it got really sunny and hot later so we spent the afternoon reading the (very heavy) weekend Sydney Morning Herald in the lovely Botanical Gardens ("Please walk on the grass"). I now call these The Bottie Gardens, in a witty satire on the Aussie habit of contracting words and then appending them with "ie". For example, a salt-water crocodile is a "saltie" and a fresh water one is a "freshie", a poker slot-machine is a "pokie" and a school child is a "schoolie".

In fact the "Bottie Gardens" gag is Anne's, but I'll say it's mine and no one will be any the wiser.